In a headline that seems ripped from The Onion, t-shirt and stonewashed jeans-wearing Nebraska state senator Ernie Chambers is suing God. Chambers' crusade is not really aimed at God (or Dave Coulier), but rather at all-too-common frivolous lawsuits that make a farce out of our judicial system while simultaneously grinding it to a halt.
Click here to read the article on Chambers if you haven't already. No need to pinch yourself, it's real. He's stepping the arena with defendants who sue for coffee that's too hot, ice that's too cold or shirts that are too "shirty." Which brings us to...
CHAMBERS V. GOD:
THIS TIME, IT'S BIBLICAL.
Chambers claims God is within the jurisdiction of Nebraska's Douglas County because, well, God is everywhere. He is suing based on the "terroristic threats" and "calamitous catastrophes" (Man, did the Rev. Alliteration-Master Al Sharpton ghostwrite this lawsuit?) that hardliners could technically blame God for. And he's asking the justice system to act within its power to prevent God from further harm upon the human race.
Soon, Geraldo and the E! Network will be setting up camp outside the state capitol building for 24/7 coverage. Nancy Grace will accuse Jesus of leaving a baby in a hot car for three hours. Jerry Falwell will ascend from hell to personally damn Ernie Chambers. Right behind Falwell will be Johnny Cochran, still looking to make a quick buck.
But questions abound. Who will preside over the trial if the defendant is seen as the judge of eternal life? Does God have to swear on the bible, or should we just take His word for it? When God says the Pledge Allegiance, does he say, "One Nation, Under Me?" Is there a jail that can hold God? How does all of this effect Christmas?
There's a lot to sort out, for sure. The best we can do is sit back and watch a crazy outgoing state legislator drain tax dollars and ironically abuse the justice system to prove how people abuse the justice system. I, for one, need answers now. I'm going to talk to the guy who stands outside the movie theater with the giant cross. He'll know.
cheers.
.charlie
5 comments:
do you think God would represent himself, or would he have St. Peter as his chief-defender, with the 12 Apostles as co-council?
Okay, isn't Chambers known for his filibustering techniques in the Uni? So NOW he has a problem with the efficiency of our government? Interesting. I do enjoy his accusations though--quite funny.
Actually -- despite what many news outlets are saying -- Sen. Chambers is against tort reform. That is, he's doing this to advocate Nebraskans' right to file frivolous lawsuits.
Says Chambers: "The Constitution requires that the courthouse doors be open, so you cannot prohibit the filing of suits. Anyone can sue anyone they choose, even God."
To me, that makes this all even more confusing...
Well that makes more sense! I think this paragraph threw me off:
Chambers said senators periodically have offered bills prohibiting the filing of certain types of suits. He said his main objection is that the constitution requires that the doors to the courthouse be open to all.
Okay good. For a second there I thought I agreed with Ernie Chambers, and I was worried for my sanity.
Post a Comment