This is What It Feels Like, When Nerds Cry

It's been about a week since we last spoke, readers. My apologies, I was on the business trip from hell and I spent most of the weekend making sure Lincoln's beer supply hadn't gone bad in my absence (it hadn't). Plus, Sunday I went to a Husker Volleyball game, and it was awesome. "Why," you ask?

Girls in short shorts? Check!
Stadium nachos? Check!
A Husker team winning? Check!

All in all, it was excellent. I particularly enjoyed the "play" (and by "play" I mean "hotness") of one player. Let's just say her name starts with an "R" and ends with "achel Schwartz." Shwing.

But I digress. Desperate for content as we sometimes are, I decided to click over to our beloved local paper's Web site to see if I could unearth a tasty nugget of corn-fed goodness (my apologies for using the words "nugget" and "corn" so close together). And what, within seconds, do I find? This headline, followed by this brilliant story intro:


That says, "Man reports R2D2s stolen from his porch" followed by "There's been a disturbance in the force -- right here in Lincoln." Sigh.

Turns out a guy ordered four motorized, replica R2D2 pieces from Hammacher Schlemmer (ergonomic dog food bowls and nerd toys in the same catalog? What God did we please?!). And no, jerks, I am not the victim of this crime. There is a limit to my nerdiness, just barely.

But apparently, the UPS guy left him on the porch, and they were stolen before the lucky owner could even find them, open them, insert the batteries, turn them on and lament what his life had become. A shame, indeed.

So right now there are two people in Lincoln. One man desperately trying to hunt down his stolen R2D2 toys. Another man, the thief, wondering why his newly-stolen Roombas don't work. Honestly, I don't know who to feel more sorry for. That guy stole 4 boxes from Hammacher Schlemmer, probably believing them to be components of an elaborate massage chair, a croquet set or a to-scale replica of the Holy Grail. What did he get? Nerd toys. See kids? Crime. Doesn't. Pay.

Before you make fun of this victim (60 years old, mind you), I ask you to imagine yourself in his shoes. Personally, this would be the equivalent of someone stealing LOST action figures from me. No, I don't have LOST action figures. But my birthday is in December. Just saying.

My favorite part of the article? The close: "They might be wise to be on the lookout for Jawas. The short, burlap-caped scavengers with hoods and yellow eyes stole R2D2 in the movie." Yes, that sentence was printed in our local newspaper. On purpose. We'll keep you posted on this story, but I'm sure Nancy Grace will be here in a matter of hours for 24/7 coverage.


cheers.
.charlie