My Birth Plan

Charlie, What's with the Title of this Blog? You Can't Be Pregnant.
The Just Above Kansas family is expecting a child.

Okay, I'll Bite.
Allow me to explain. My dear sister Karen, who lives in Washington D.C., is expecting her first child in a few weeks. Here she is, in all of her pregnant glory:

Awww, isn't she beautiful? And pregnant! She is indeed a wonderful sister and I love her dearly. I'm also counting on her to come through with the most miraculous birth of the century. No pressure.

Why? Is Her Baby the Second Coming of the Messiah?
I don't know, we'll see. Here's the deal. This year, the Huskers' biggest game is on September 15th against the #1-ranked USC Trojans. I want to go more than anything. And I really wanna be there in case hell freezes over, pigs fly, the "Angels win the pennant" (name that movie!) and Screech gets a date with Lisa Turtle. If these things happen, Nebraska will win. I can't miss that. But there's a problem.

I Get The Feeling You're About to Exploit This Birth for Your Own Personal Gain. Oh, how you know me. Now obviously tickets are hard to come by. But last night my dad told me that he and my mom had two of them. I'm pretty sure they had to stab someone to get them. That or they had to keep their hands on a Kia at a local dealership for like 18 days. Either way, I'm envious.

So dad goes on to explain that if Karen has her baby and my mom goes to Washington to be with her daughter, there's an extra ticket. And guess who gets it? That's right. Pay dirt.

When I heard this, I almost did this dance:


I know it's awkward that I just showed a paternity test clip while talking about my sister being pregnant, but I'll pretty much take any excuse I can get to work that clip into any blog posting. It's so good for so many reasons.

This Sounds Like a Wonderful Cause. How Can I Help?
I need you to pray. To God, Allah, Thor, Vishnu, Dave Coulier, whoever. Pray that this baby comes right around its due date (September 12th) so that I may capitalize on my mother's benevolence toward her very pregnant daughter.

Charlie, Don't You Think This Wishful Thinking/Shameless Betting On Your Sister's Delivery Date of Her First-Born Child Qualifies You for a One-Way Ticket to Hell?
Probably. But like I said, this game is gonna be huge.


In all honesty, I would trade the Husker tickets to know that everything goes perfectly with this pregnancy/delivery and that the baby is healthy. That's worth more than anything to me, as I do love my two sisters more than about anyone in the world.

But I do really wanna go to this game, so if this delivery can be both healthy and well-timed, it would be much appreciated.


Here's to September 12th,
.charlie