Barn in the USA

Dear Barn Preservation Society of Nebraska,

First of all, I would just like to thank you for your continued dedication to the preservation and restoration of historical barns across the state of Nebraska! Also, please ignore any previous hate letters you may have received from me. For some reason I mixed up your address with that of the Iowa Barn Preservation Club. Their barns can go to hell.

As you know, barns are awesome. Not only can you keep crap in them like horses, hay, fireworks, tractors, and time-traveling cars that need to be hidden until the Doc can find a way to get Marty McFly back to the future--- they also look sweet from the outside. In fact, in my best high school senior picture I’m leaning up against a double sloped gambrel-roofed barn. This is why I am now a barn enthusiast with my own barn blog.

Anyways, I’m writing because I’m concerned about the “Porn Barn”, which is located right off the interstate between Lincoln and Omaha. For decades it has provided travelers with literature, toys, movies, and private “viewing” booths. Someone recently told me that, due to the Internet, the porn barn could be shutting its colonial style double-armed doors for good.

Based on awkward previous conversations with your members, I realize the BPSN does not support pornography. However, I want to ask you one very important question: How do you feel about barnography? I’m not talking about hot dutch-on-prairie style barn action. I'm talking about barn education. Instead of taking your children to pick up the latest issue of Playboy, what if you could stop and pick up the latest issue of Barn Again! or the educational How to Build a Better Barn DVD?

In summary, I’m suggesting that the Barn Preservation Society of Nebraska raise money this year to purchase the “Porn Barn” and turn it into the Nebraska Barnography Distribution Center (or BSPN-NBDC for short). I look forward to discussing this in more detail at the big BPSN meeting this October.

Warmest Regards,

Ben